Thursday night, the air was still and sticky.  It was a mad rush, with forced resolve to be calm though, as we packed up old Trusty to head out of town.  The kid's were pumped to be going up to Grandma's cabin.  To fall asleep under the blur of orange highway lamps, to wake in the green blackness of Junipine.  We crawl 10 yards down the street and the grinding of the brakes stalls our quick get away.  "Well, hopefully, its just a rock" sighs Zander.
We pull back into the drive.  The kids squirm in their car seats while Zander quickly works to assess the problem. 
"It just went from bad to worse" announced Zander.
"okay, kids, I've got bad news.... We'll have to go to Junipine tomorrow."
Wah wah wah, yah dah yah dah, they got it out of their system and then passed out in their beds reassured that mom and dad would take care of it. 
Now, Mom did nothing but eat a box of cheezits and then cry herself to sleep because her toothbrush and toothpaste were a jenga piece wedged in a stack of suitcases in the back of the suburban.
Zander, however has the skillz to pay the billz yo.  He woke up at 6:30am under a slated sky that broke over his head in an outpouring of rain and lightning.  The wet weather did not deter his rescue mission.  Soon, he safely whisked his family away.

“Then if a child comes to you, if he laughs, if he has golden hair, if he doesn’t answer your questions, you’ll know who he is."  The Little Prince.

March 4 was a decade!

"If its half as good as the half we've known,  here's Hail! to the rest of the road"

All I really can say is that God is so faithful and tender.  Truly.  Looking back I see two odd kids riddled with flaws.  Especially me.

But before there was messy, there was childhood.  An outspoken girl introducing herself to a kid who was sentenced with many years in the awkward phase of puberty.  A hello was said, a friendship was sealed and then she forgot that he ever existed for the next two years.

Alas, our fate was sealed and it ended up Us Two and now Us Five (including Gunther no questions asked).

Fathers Day - many many moons ago

This breaks my heart, but also gives wings to each broken piece.  I don't know how else to describe longing and joy.

Arica helped make this video for Zander a few years ago for Fathers Day.  I think the sound should work.  Hey Zander, let me know, okay?

"The February sunshine steeps your boughs and tints the buds and swells the leaves withing." ~Bryant

Yes, the buds of the fruit trees are breaching their wintry hold.  The life and delicate beauty I could never engineer.  I am happy to marvel, sometimes too insecure and scared to involve myself.   Zander is happy to tinker with what all God has give him stewardship over.  The yard is a bonsai challenge and he studies it, prunes it, bends it to his will and also to what he believes to be its natural destiny.  Its nice to have Zander teaching me how to be.  To be.
To be
content yet hungering
convicted yet full of grace
solid yet mysteriously nuanced

I don't intend for him to sit on a throne of sappy compliments :) I do love him, and know that he is because God is.

The humble and ugly dump of concrete God gave was in desperate need of.... a lot
I lamented over what was not.  I wanted to walk in paradise.  I forgot I was walking and more often than not being carried by Paradise Himself.
Honestly, (and gee, zander, I don't know if you're aware of this *wink) but I lust after trees.  I exult their brittle branches to godlike stature.  I could delve into my weird self as to why I do this, but talk about a big yawn for the majority of people. Needless to say, I am a bratty and grateful girl at the moment.

the ferry called Lee's

its a world where wind and water dislodges distractions and cuts my thoughts in two.  Its bare and lays you bare and you just might come face to face with yourself.  a carved out place that leaves gaping canyons, but always the river flows in the blushed wound.  I tore out my right eye and cut off my right hand and returned home whole. 

photo in top consideration for our Christmas Family Photo.  Sans kids.  what?  Gunther is the most cooperative and photogenic one anyway.... well, he does have a choke collar on him, I should say. 

The orchard exists as a growing relic of strange times long ago.  Lees Ferry, riddled with heartbreak. 

The night before the air was still, stagnant, humid and hot.  As the evening wore down to nothing but clear skies and a dry moon, I became desperate for the rain the meteorologists promised me.  They pinky swore and bet their life it would rain just for me.  I stamped my foot and resolved I would not let another night pass by without paying the toll.
So I poured myself a concoction of chai tea and had Zander turn on the sprinklers in the backyard.
Thanks to my wonderful patience and content spirit, our yard was saturated and full from a heavy drink, when we woke up the next morning with our house on the brink of flooding.
I even had the gall, in the middle of the night when the rolling thunder rolled me out of bed to casually look out the window and remark "eh, its not that great of a storm, i'd rather sleep".
huh.  Apparently its been called "a 100 year storm"

Zander of course, handled it with grace in galoshes. We needed to stop the seeping of the water.  We needed sandbags.  Well, what we had was a lot of mud and garbage bags. 
He begins to dig a hole somewhere below the flooded surface.  "How high is the water mama" Johnny Cash sings from his throat.  "Two feet high and risin" I answer with the rain steadily dripping off our backs. 

Zander never had an easier time digging a hole for a tree, lets just say.  Its been over a year trying to decide which one to plant in our backyard.  Now there is a beautiful bowl of mud waiting to be filled with a Chinese Elm's toes instead of Ender's and Cora's. 

Have you ever noticed the branches of the Chinese Elm?  They grow from the trunk like arms, stretching sinew and tendon.   Its elegant and intriguing.  The Arizona Sycamore, the Ghost Gum Eucalyptus, the Blue and Green Palos all have this uncanny quality.  Their branches bend and their bark wrinkles where it would on your own skin as you freely move. 

I'm thankful for the wonder I see in her eyes when she watches Ender and her daddy's antics.
Last night after bath, I laid her down on the living room to put on a fresh diaper and pajamas.  She was so still for me, her eyes mesmerized by the chaotic scene of her daddy and brother sword playing.  I just stared at her staring. I eventually looked up to see what enthralled her that much anyway.  I mean, Ender is no Casanova with a foam sword, and zander had some obscure rapper blaring over the speakers while he "danced- fought"....?

Her calling is so simple and straightforward:  Be happy with the ones you love. 

the Arborist

It was amusing, the way Zander obsessed over every detail of the young Velvet Mesquites we planted two February's ago. "Silly boy!" said I.  He poured over his library and internet research.  He wielded the small pruners like a Bonsai master.  He contemplated over the future of these trees.  He envisioned their role and purpose for our family and home.  He wanted them to bear pods for flour making, shade for the backyard, home for wildlife, and be aesthetically pleasing.  The way that boy fussed over these saplings. At first he made sure to tether them to stakes, giving them support as they bore the shock of their transplant into our yard.  Over time, he gradually loosened the tethers so the trunk and branches could flex against the wind and grow strong.  He made sure not to make erroneous cuts, structuring it mostly up.  But then he would noticed a unique branch that looked harmless, but interesting.  "Eh, we'll see what this guy wants to do.  It looks cool".  So he would leave it be and let it go on its natural way. His methods were his, not always/ever the prettiest, but always the most thoughtful. 

 

It dawned on me the other day.  He can't get away from his father's heart.  He is out there giving considerable thought to these trees and often stops to admire just how strong and beautiful they are becoming.   And so it goes with his children, his own little saplings.  He always carries with him  the pruners, knowing that every cut to a tree is a wound.  He doesn't use them without love and care.  He tethers Ender and Cora close to us, now, but is gradually loosening those so they too can flex against the winds and grow strong and confident. A breeze barely ruffles Cora's curls today, but eventually she could face a gale storm, but because of her daddy's tender and wise care, her roots will cement the ground she stands on and her strong body will bend but will not break.  They both will have that wild hair daddy let sprout, but will be mostly growing  up. 

I know our kids are getting the manliest of men to follow.  In one person, he packs patience, kindness, tenacity, confidence, humbleness, a genuine spirit, emotional and physical strength, adventuresome, love, hilarity, honesty, trustworthiness, faithfulness and eventually always a repentant heart.  He knows Whom he serves, so how easy is it for tiny people like Ender and Cora to feel safe and happy with their daddy.
Happy Father's Day to the legendary Zander.

Fathers Day Project Madness

Introducing three of the most obstinate, slap happy, independent, I'll do whatever I want- ers, wild punks!  I don't think my incessant shouting convinced them that the "photo shoot" was for a good cause.  Gunther's tail was suddenly the funniest floppiest appendage Ender had ever seen.  Cora constantly smells like old food (it gets stuck in the folds of her neck) so Gunther's brain was manically obsessed with trying to rid her of that problem.  My mom's iphone camera was helplessly slow in the nanosecond all three of them looked at the camera.  Oh and my poor, patient mother.  At the end of this Fathers Day photo session, all I wanted was to celebrate Mother's Day...again, every day, well...maybe, yeah every day.

*Special note to Zander:  this is not your Father's Day "clog" post.  relax, its coming

These two again

Even the sun glows palely in the face of their happiness.  There is never, I repeat, never a dull moment with either of them.  I don't even think Zander, certainly Cora, knows that boredom exists.  But I do, and I think Ender might too.  His brain grows restless as it flexes and pumps eager to muscle through the next mind boggle.  Its getting increasingly difficult to challenge him. Anyway....

 

Zander and Cora. Ambassadors from another planet where joy literally comes from the food you eat and the air you breathe.  

Pilgrims at Oak Creek

This is my look exactly "Are we crazy?!" as we abandoned are oven home to shades of cool green.   Zander and I were both grumpy old men.  Especially, him.  He had a rough week at work and couldn't shake it, not quite yet.  Two weary parents packing up and leaving feels ridiculously hard.  When we arrive at Junipine, Ender finally caught on that we were tired and he reacted most annoyingly.  It was my turn to take the high road and let Zander go for a walk. Meanwhile Ender and I hunted tigers, climbed "mountains", and watched the Berenstein Bears. 

When Zander returned from his walk, you'd think he met Jesus on the road to Damascus.  He was a new man.  He did, indeed, walk with God, but then he mentioned something about an herb... say what?!  that apparently took his migraine pain away. Um... lets just say the rest of our vacation was groooovy.  :)

No, he didn't smoke this herb.  In fact, I think it was just a random creek plant he rubbed between his fingers and smelled the fragrance.  However, now our fall garden is going to be stuffed with medicinal herbs.  Zander suffers from migraines and he wants to lower his Ibuprofen intake.

It just seems like the two of us basking in solitaire and love.  Really, a healthy dose of our family is also meandering around the orchard.  This explains why Cora and I are so happy.  To spend the golden hour with living, breathing treasures who on the majority justify picking peaches and apples when in the back of their minds they know better.  Its one of those gray areas in life where we seem to find some color. 

adventure follows me home

 She is always so pleased to see him.  always.

 Fishing.  This is the bliss before the fall.  Ender was there high upon a rock one second, and the next he was down below flailing with the fishes.  I screamed hysterically and zander silently swooped in and pulled him out.  I guess it wasn't that big of a deal, but it could have been.  A cracked skull or too much water in the lungs.  Honest, though, when I looked down from the heights to see "what on earth happened to the boy?!", he was swimming-ish.  Keeping his head above water, but that's not the point.  I overestimated his cautious personality and took my eyes off of him to dote upon his cooing sister. 

 

Zander rigged up one of his classic ravine rope swings.  First, Ender was on Zander's back, but then we set him sailing solo.  He got a big kick out of it.  Its been so long since I had this type of adrenalin rush, so it was good for me.  Zander had to "nudge" me off the boulder, though.  He also "nudged" his dad too.  Ornery fellow that zander. 
Well, the pictures might not denote this, but the drop to the ground was plunging!  It took your stomach with you.

Its a bummer to leave vacation.  But I realize, that zander comes home with me.  And it is really him who draws out the magic and fun wherever we go anyhow.  This might be a little much, but humor me.  Its like, in the wake of his presence a portal to a better world is exposed and made passable.  What is interesting about it is that he is pretty much in this constant state.  Passionate people tend to have their dramatic ups and downs, but zander's passion is homeostatic, his internal environment is kept very stable.  Its incredible. 

*But just note: perfections is not his.  Its God's.  And zander has not yet arrived.   :) 

I thank you Mama Connie for your lavish meals and all the risks you take in the kitchen.  Thank you for passing the apron strings down to your son.  Zander has been setting Ender up at his own meal making station when he is in the kitchen cooking.  Above, Ender mixes his ingredients that made this budding chef a household name: Pepper, Salt and Flour. 
After mixing, pouring, sloshing, stirring, sprinkling and so forth, Zander put it on the stove to simmer for 2 minuets.  He encouraged Ender to taste his dish.  Ender did.  Ender winced with disgust and Ender washed it down with some water.  Too much Pepper Ender! 

On our walk one evening, Ender collected mesquite pods and then he got to grind them in our pestle and mortar.  This was my favorite thing to do as a kid at the Botanical Gardens on the Plants and People of the Sonoran Desert Trail.  :) I love the crushing sound.  Gritty and smooth.

 those lips, oh those sweet lips!


On Mother's Day, Zander let me sleep in, while he took the critters.  I trust Zander completely with the well being of our children.  Granted, he might not do things my way, and when I get upset with him, its not because he screwed up the kids, but he threatened my control and challenged my routine.
I walk into the kitchen and find Ender and Zander scribbling away at a mothers day gift and Cora is gurgling happily in her bouncy seat.  Ender is fed and Cora has poop soaking through her onesie and didn't do any tummy time.

"um, zander...were you going to change Cora's pants?"
"oh!  that's poop?!  I thought it was part of her outfit, like a ruffle."

the babes were so peaceful and happy that morning with zander.  he helps me learn to relax around them.  I'm so afraid that if I screw up just once, it sets off a chain of events where ender winds up incarcerated and cora on the street corner.  Like by the age of 6. 

the following is a story zander and ender style.

 There once was a happy family... Then a fire breathing dragon came and took mama away.

Prince Ender tracks the dragon and the victim to his lair.

 "I fight you dragon!"

 "Chop! Chop" With two little chops, the dragon's head comes clean off.

Mama and ender are reunited.