i thought i lost you.

plump and sweet, just like ender. but a nasty o'l tom at peed on them! he is also the cat that sneaks outside our window impersonating ender waking up at night. yes, ender sounds like a mewing fur ball.

i do. i really do.

since ender has been born we have had this awesome rainbow colored balloon night light plugged in our room where he slept. it gave off this warm glow. however, since moving him into his nursery, that lovely lighted companion kicked the bucket. zander thought he would go green and buy an LED night light. For being the tree cuddler that I am, he was irritated that I loathed the eerie blue light it emitted. It made Ender's room like a cave, a scary one where a little beast slumbered, waiting to devour the first person to enter his lair....me. So every night, I have to banish all thoughts of vampires, ghosts or clowns waiting for me in his blue room. (i know i know, i'm more baby than ender. but you can pay for my shrink). And I'm thankful for our creaky wood floors, a dead give away for even the most weightless of foot falls.

Scene: 1:30am, crying, crying, crying, in the blue eerie room. A whole month of ender fighting us at night time has left me a little, oh, i'd say emotional and tired. I bravely enter the mouth of the cave and gently cradle the baby beast. my eye catches something in the door way, though. a figure. still and staring. i never heard it approach. i scream. thats right, on top of ender screaming, i let out a shrill wail. my sanity is doomed. i yell for zander.

well how convenient, the dark figure materializes into zander and comes to my swift aid. I yell his name again in relief and annoyance. now i'm shaking,zander takes me and ender in both his arms and starts to shush and rock us both.

no more sneaking zander!

however, wow, being rocked is very soothing. i totally getcha kiddo.

but no more! I can scratch "being rocked like baby" off my bucket list.

Heres to 99 birthdays Arizona!

one of my most favorite experiences of being in europe or in one of our great country's coast land states, are the beautiful parks. phoenix, its sad, but you have too many parking lots.

but thank you for sparing some mountain parks and places like the Desert Botanical Gardens. because, i love this land.

ender and i are members at the Gardens: a pocket of Sonoran sensation!

i adore creatures from all walks of life!

beautiful blue braved the cold

ender, oh ender. what the heck buddy! you have had a meltdown almost every day for over a week now. What gives? since i've been thinking about leaving you at the doorstep of a nunnery...i owe you a shout out.


*you melt into liquid sugar when you are in the bath
*every morning you wake up laughing and cooing despite that you might have been laying in your pee soaked jammies (gilly! sorry.)
*you're a fan of Battlestar Galactica. so cool.
*you laugh the hardest when someone shimmies you in front of the mirror. such a diva!
*you sigh, alot! because you're satisfied? because you long? because you give up on trying to convince the world of your superiority? hm?
*you enjoy walking cheek to cheek with me as we glide from one room to the next. aye aye aye mi amor!
*your attention span with books thrills me!
*you appreciate a good nap and a good nights rest.

i love you. and we would only visit a convent for the cultural experience of watching The Sound of Music.

don't worry.

i snipped a beautiful stem from my mama's basil plant before the cold took its life. i knew i didn't want to go and buy a seedling and i knew i needed a botanical experiment that would take me back to the third grade. so even though a bit of google "research" told me that this was not the ideal way to propagate this herb, i did it anyway. since this photo, i have moved it to a terracotta rehabilitation pot where hopefully its roots will grow strong and be healthy.
this spring i am going to have gobs of herbs. and when the weather becomes a scorcher, i will bring them inside to do a little housework. http://www.o2foryou.org/ <-- the natural filtration process within plants can remove up to 87% of VOCs from the air, says NASA says Better Homes :)

today.

ender and i made a small herb bouquet for our lovely land lady, the queen of the King Kasa, Josie. if i ever feel discontentment in our abode, God always brings her to mind. i just look outside over at the periwinkle door to bungalow number 5 and remember that we have the sweetest neighbors. and i thought i would show God that I heard His reminder by giving a gift from our garden.

mint. lavender. rosemary. and a thank you scroll.

one man show

i wish it were mutual. i teach him the inner clanking of a jeep engine, the cranking of tools, the historical and present atmosphere of cultures etc and he teaches me how to be a 21st century mama. But no. He does it all. He cleans, reads, changes diapers, gardens, takes awesome photographs, fixes, creates, builds, sketches, plays the drums and wears and apron. I swear. Sometimes i want to hate this kid.

these were amazing pancakes he made for us on saturday morning.

zander's fashion handy work.
i could have a whole gang of these.

ender misses katie too

in the winter garden.

swiss chard. great for salads.

snap pea curl.

peppermint.

spanish lavender.
carrots with a bougain villa spread.
bok choy. prepare it like a cabbage stew. oh and ender.

8 1/2 weeks on this planet. assimilating quite well. still speaking his alien tongue

currently, the team is working on a commumicatio system; referencing classics like Independence Day.

Zander, as of late, has expressed the disillusionment, the lack luster, the gap between the boy and his young father. It must be difficult to connect with a human so tiny and mainly in need of milk. Zander also works outside the home, furthering his feelings of disconnection.

A light bulb blinked on in my head, "Aha!" thought I, "I will find him articles in our baby book that will address this very issue and he will grow in knowledge and encouragement." Then my light bulb fizzed out for I then thought, "Who am I kidding! Zander does not get encouragement for the heart from scholarly research. He will probably have already figured his dilemma out his own way- with God."

That is so frustrating to me! It is much easier for me to Google what the world has to say and report the 'facts' and call it day. It is much harder for me to ask God, hear His answer and confidently tell Zander. Well, I ended up marking the page in our book.

Lo and behold, he came home that day on a surge wave of enlightenment from God he received while listening to a Keith Green song. (that Isaac kept playing on repeat just so he could hear Zander sing this one part off key) And that one part off key, was just spark of realization Zander needed about our baby human.

they will make it just fine.

ender visited oak creek. breathing the air in this canyon is like taking a good draught of Ent water. he is unaware, but he grew 1 inch that weekend.

noah holding ender on his lap. M.I.A: jack, their more experienced and mature cousin living just one hour-ish shy.

happy noah & erin

zander expressing his maternal side.

Weezer - I'm Your Daddy

a excerpt for ender

the bridged version. believe it or not.


there once was a baby (that would be you little one) growing inside a euphoric young woman(and that would be me). this child had an astonishing effect over her mind. the world was filtered through the life inside of her. he bathed her brain with an elixir of peace.


one night, the young man she was married to (your daddy, of course), received two tickets to Weezer for his birthday from his cousins. (those cousins will remain cool).

the ecstatic couple began planning their night. they would sit high upon the hill away from the loud speakers and sweaty fans and enjoy their childhood band like retired people. the elixir of peace made it ok not to be a screaming teenager. there is a season.

the music of weezer connected these two from the start. you could read more about it (the unabridged version) in your travel book, where the story gushes more about true love, epic battles, and redemption: all common themes in a 15 year old's life, right?


anyway....

the night of the show you could see them parking far far way to get free parking.( you have cheap parents kid) 8 1/2 months of belly waddled briskly toward the show. after a mile of walking in a panic, thinking they would miss the opening song, they finally made it to the ticket booth only to have their wonderful SLR man- handled. After bickering with a very butch woman, they agreed to disassemble the camera and promise not to take photos (they meant it ). Therefore no photos of this night were taken; we will roll oldschool and pass down stories via word. word.


After kicking away empty beer cups, cigarette butts, and other human trash, they cleared for themselves a nice little nit ch to sit on the trampled grass. They were both anxious to be in a crowd like that, insecure, out of place. But then, oh but then! Childhood came strolling out on stage to an 'Epic beginning' and manifested itself in a middle aged rock nerd. the boy held the girl all show. now typically, a public display of affection like this would cramp her style. yet again, the elixir of peace cured any of her hang ups.

As she danced and sang and looked up at the band wide eyed, she thought "those guys think they are so cool, ha! they're old! i'm the one hanging out with a guy way more talented, funny, hip, smart and cool. You all suck compared to him." She thought that toward her favorite band! My my my. You see, boy, that is what love does to you, so please wait a while.

the night carried and on and soon 'My Name is Jonas' sprung from the set. By that time the couple found themselves against the railing, stage right. Surprisingly, the crowd parted along with their cigarette smoke and allowed for the girl to rest her tired body on the barricade. Well, along comes Rivers Cuomo, running down the line of stretched out hands groping the air in hopes of receiving a high five. "Aha!" thought, the girl, "This is my chance to impress the boy! This is the moment God set aside." She held out her hand and when the lead singer clapped her palm, she closed her hand on his and pulled him up on the railing. There he continued to sing and entertain. (What a great vantage point)! She wasn't finished yet. Thankfully, she wore shorts under her dress. For up flung the hem of her dress revealing her swollen, pale belly. She grabbed his hand and placed it square on her stomach. Mr. Rivers pulled back shocked, bug eyed, and then, replaced his hand on the crazy fan's belly and continued singing. Commence a good belly rubbing to a classic song.

The girl was beaming with pride! The boy was gawking in disbelief; not sure whether to be offended or mad with glee. But in that moment the two of them fell into a time warp. they were drowning in nostalgia. they fell in love all over again and ten fold. their son was blessed by river's cuomo, fully rock god, fully nerd: a miracle. (no blasphemy intended here, truly) there childhood love unexpectantly swung full circle before the birth of the first son. it couldn't have been more fitting.



*your late uncle william, while incubating in Nana, attended a Willy Nelson concert. Your grandpa got in a brawl over a willy T that was thrown out into the crowd. No shirt, but a pretty shiner. In utero rock concerts run in the family.

aye aye aye!

A week after giving birth or really being sliced open in a kind of sci fi way (c-section)... zander obliged me for a walk down his parent's street. There and back again, he urged me to venture a little further. We rounded the corner on Lafayette and strolled along the mini canal. He began to reminisce about catching crawdads this time of year with his friends. The air, the light, the sounds, in unison called him back to his childhood.

His eyes suddenly getting big he asked, "would you want to fish for crawdads?!"

Wearily, I replied, "right now?! but what about the baby? he needs to eat soon."

"Nah, he's fine, lets do this!"

Well, if he was going to play that card, I haughtily replied, that as a little girl I didn't use a line and hot dog (as z suggested) but my BARE HANDS! Gasp! Yes, i was a tom boy.

Zander was too excited to bother with my curt response as we decidedly walked back to pillage his parent's place for a hot dog and fishing line.

It was the perfect evening. Ender, our beloved, was napping with grandma, and we escaped.

Barely containing himself, he ordered me to pinch a piece of dog off and he tied it to the line. Seeing that he was taking his craft very seriously left me no room to laugh at him. I found myself getting caught up in his happiness and I listened to the master fisherman. He casted the line in at a shadowy, squirmy figure lurking just below the surface of the silt. The hot dog scared the critter away. He re casted. Then from down stream, an army of crawdads appeared (picture Pirates of the Caribbean when the skeletal pirates are marching under the ocean and the moon light spills onto their decrepit bodies. Imagine, the heart thumping music as they advance with evil stealth toward their fleshy prey). Yes, I tell you the truth, crawdads are just like that!

Zander and I squealed with delight and a little bit of the creeps. The hoard was soon upon the hot dog. Their bodies roiled and fought each other. With a few tries, zander coached me in the art of yanking one up on land. The fishy glutton still ate ferociously as it spun on the line in mid air. Disgusting! I found myself, giggling. Yes, giggling, giggling like a very non tom boy.
That evening i was huckelberry's little girl friend. And I didn't mind.

Besides, if I'm honest with myself. I only pretended to catch crawdads with my bare hands to impress my ultra tomboy best friend, danielle. I actually, just splashed the water really hard as my fingers went for them, hoping that they would be scared off before I was forced to pinch the back of their necks.

Its a very delicate illusion being a tom boy.

oh halloween

my two best friends. as a pilot, its good to have the force of mother nature and the cunning of zorro as your wingmen.

its a very small world

in his world today, his umbilical cord fell off! now he can enjoy baths and showers, though grandma's spas are unbeatable! the kid melts in her lathery palms, ha! its true.

we have matching bags under our eyes. huh.

to make my heart beat a little faster...thanks for the e-mail mom.

Finding myself soaring between Heaven and limbo. i'm quite pleased that Jesus stays awake with me late at night comforting me. " in the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comfort delights my soul" psalm 94:19.

These days clinging to Jesus in a new and desperate way.

tree company

a boy and a girl living as wild people in a tree fort in an abode that is drafty, creaky, old and any wind rattles the frail, leafy windows.

one day, they wake up to an unusual sound. Looking down to see the most strange and beautiful creature cradled in the knarly roots of the tree, the man boy quickly scrambles down to load this alluring oddity in their basket and hoist him up to take a closer look.


it looks like them, but smells a lot sweeter. not sure why they are falling deeply in love, they take the cub and tuck him in a little corner and decide to keep it.


they call him ender.

that night the woodland fairies enter in through their window and tell them secrets about ender. most perplexing of all...these magical beings resemble their own dear mothers.

climb on

ender and i lounged on the crash pad while these nerds scrambled up a beautiful rock face. it is the last hike we will have done before he gets evicted from his kangaroo pouch.

one more week!