Where to begin.

Have you every asked a spider if it hurts to molt?
Freshly molted spiders are very soft and vulnerable until their new exoskeletons harden.

My sister recently gave birth to a baby girl.

Quinn Isabella.

Quinn has down syndrome.

Can I say the words shock, denial, devastation,  grief?  That was me when mama's words slammed into my chest.   Then followed by self hate and guilt for experiencing those feelings.  Zander, mom, told me that it was normal to mourn.   But no I screamed inside my head.  Mourning shouldn't be normal, its not fair.  How could I feel anything but joy over this amazing little creation?  But I did and am still doing to be honest.

Part of me wants to wrap my arms around Morgan and Quinn and shelter them from the world.  Saying "Dont you dare look at them and feel what I'm feeling.  We're wrong.  Don't gawk and feel sorry for them, like I did."  But beauty such as Quinn's cannot be hidden, especially under a cloak of fear.  Its irrational to try and snuff out the sun with your thumb. Quinn dares us all to look, stare, and wonder at her exquisite form.  She's magic.  Don't catch her gaze if you're not willing to be transformed and leave your old self behind for something better. 

Because its painful to shed this old layer of skin.  Underneath is raw. I am soft and vulnerable until this new layer of truth can harden like armor protecting me against my enemies.  And it will.

katie is a big girl now.  she is officially a teacher and I am so impressed, but not surprised by her accomplishment.  and if you want to have the most creative and thoughtful pen pal, she's your gal.  katie lives here in arizona now, but I loved it when she went back to Chicago for the summer to visit her family.  I would spend hours of my day preparing homemade packages and letters to her.  We would send our penpal love back in forth to each other till she came back for fall semester.  she knows the lost art of letters and handmade gifts and encouraged me to preserve it in my own life.  I usually don't give gifts unless I'm "inspired" or motivated (?).  So when an idea is seen on the horizon of my very tired and busy mind,  I force myself to chase it down even its simple like a care package to a cute girl.

I found out how to do an embroider stitch that agrees with my impatient fingers.  I will probably be stitching everything in zander's closet now with his name or a desert animal and maybe throw in a little heart here in there.  I got to leave my mark on him when he goes out and I don't wear perfume.

 heather, heather, heather, you are a talent.  thank you for asking us to do this!  we both felt so at ease, and that speaks volumes.  i will often flit & fly over to your new website to check out all that you create. http://www.birdiegirlphotography.blogspot.com/

one no good autumn day, among rotting leaves, and a rotten idea, i had zander take pictures of me because i thought he was the only person i'd feel comfortable with in front of a camera posing. and as of then, i had no pictures of cora in her cocoon.

  it ended in tears.  i'm a mess in front of a camera.  but just for the record, it doesn't help if the "photographer" is laughing the whole time and telling you not to make that face.

 

Ender, i cannot deny, does not get the first of my handmade endeavors.  he doesn't complain.  probably because he is smart enough to realize an amateur's work. bless 'em.
thankfully, we happened upon friends like Veronica (mama) and Niko (her little boy) who craft travel coloring kits for my ornery ender. 
we took it for a test drive at a mexican restaurant and it checks out:  circles and squiggly lines were successfully drawn.