little girl

last night i went through the pink explosion my niece isla left behind from her "infantry" days.  i've never been a fan of pink clothes.  Blushing cheeks, marmalade sunsets, the coral cascades of sand dunes, yes, anything pink in nature, but careful when you try to replicate it in fabric.  it gets dicey especially for baby girls. 
i might have a puff of pink cotton candy waddling around our house soon or as the Australians will refer to her, fairy floss! 

 

 

Saturday mornings are by far my most favorite of all.  ender typically sleeps in.  i love to pick him up and ask, "Guess who's here?" 

-"Daddy!!"  he replies and bounces in my arms.  I whisk him away and toss him on our bed.  zander has the sweetest spirit in the morning; a teddy bear.    if a two year old jumped on my head to wake me up, I'd snap and snarl.  i think he feels the fleeting time and relishes a "rude" awakening. 

you can see the happy couple gets sick of me taking pictures...

balloon

No, we do not have a cute open fresh air market.....  But we do have Fry's.  And at this Fry's everyone lets their guard down with ender and he goes home with free balloons, cookies, stickers and firetruck demonstrations.  He is crazy over balloons,mostly.  Here we do not see eye to eye.  Balloons stink and are unpredictable and yet i harbor them in my own home. 

In these pictures I told him to show me how happy he was that a balloon was in his house. 

 

Ender, i cannot deny, does not get the first of my handmade endeavors.  he doesn't complain.  probably because he is smart enough to realize an amateur's work. bless 'em.
thankfully, we happened upon friends like Veronica (mama) and Niko (her little boy) who craft travel coloring kits for my ornery ender. 
we took it for a test drive at a mexican restaurant and it checks out:  circles and squiggly lines were successfully drawn. 

zander's little girl

 

This was a discovery of the most magical kind.  

 I was expecting to find a message from Sam, but goodness me!  It was from Cora!  I laughed, Zander cried, Ender whined.  I can't wait to meet her! 

We have a stork friend, Katie, who delivered the news to our doorstep.  Storks ride bikes these days.  

Unfortunately, Mr. Potato Head could not read his morning newspaper.  If he had, he would have been informed of an eye glass thief at large.  Particularly, of the spud spectacle kind. 

Happy Birthday cream puff!

Here is Isla turning three!  And her doll brother Colt.  She has come a long way since her born day.  Wow.  That kid looked like she took a hit from Tyson.  Not a pretty sight.  ha.ha.  Having Isla exist is an interesting dynamic.  She is my little sister.  And I find myself having the same feelings as I did with my older sister.  We get in fights and she makes me laugh till I cry.  I am so excited she is on this earth with me. 

From my heart to her hers :  A blue flower crown, a trip to the flower shop, & tin foil rain drops.  My family thought the rain seemed a little sad.  I always prayed to God that the best present from Him would be rain on my birthday.  Its nectar from Heaven. 

crafting love notes

"writing a letter is a real form of conversation in which the image of a distant person is held in one's mind." - a severe mercy

Getting a written letter from zander meant deciphering hieroglyphics, but past the foreign scribbling there was a boy's thoughts that kept my mind transfixed for days.  I would probably get as much thrill as reading his letter as to responding.  Later on in our marriage he confessed that my love letters were just full of descriptions about trees, wind, nature and such; he would be always searching to read those three sacred words.  But they were there zander.  They were just tangled up in the branches, hidden under the rocks i discovered on a walk, floating on the lapping waves of Lake Bodensee... 

So, yes, zander, plainly put.  I love you. 

i had to rub fuzzy elbows with the bees to pluck these calyx clusters

 

 

We don't write letters to each other anymore.  But I think that practise is not totally lost to the past.  It was a season of Spring.  And we all know spring comes again. 

 

The latest exchange of words were passed during church recently sitting behind, apparently, an attractive, young gentleman that Zander noticed.

 

Zander: Is (so and so's) brother available?

Me: I'm pretty happy with you, but I guess we can keep him as a potential.

Zander: For Arica!  You ding dong!!

Me: I'll ask.  No shame :)

Zander: Be tactful.

Me: Always....

 

 

 

 

 

Irrigation days have helped ender get over his suspicion of large bodies of water and bacteria. 

He delights in the ancient gift from the Hohokam. 

a tid bit of valley history.......

"The ancient canals served as a model for modern irrigation engineers, with the earliest historic canals being formed largely by cleaning out the Hohokam canals. The ancient ruins and canals were a source of pride to the early settlers who envisioned their new agricultural civilization rising as the mythical phoenix bird from the ashes of Hohokam society."

mother simplicity

ender sat like a toad on a rock in the middle of the gently flowing creek, croaking every now and again about his disdain for being left alone.  well, not completely alone, the water was ankle deep and there were innumerable shiny pebbles at his disposal.  and I was just a stone's throw away foraging for some sticks.  he's a good little pup. 

zander wrought the discarded branches i gleaned,  into curtain rods for our new home.  a small fancy of mine he made into reality. 

all creatures great and small

more dreams drifting over from japan.  naoko stoop has her own blog where it appears she splashes the screen frequently with childlike splendor.  ender and i found her book All Creatures Great and Small buried in the stacks of children's book at the library.  It is filled with beautiful skies and languid scenes of adorable animals and a curiou,s happy little girl. 

little cubes of warm butter

a near perfect match.  ender's hot, buttery skin warming in our valley's sun is an instant reminder to a delectable addition to our breakfast palates.  war time may take the latter...oh dear, it make take them both.  ok lets not think about that! 

"the great tree goes down and leaves an empty place against the sky.  if the person is deeply loved and deeply familiar the void seems greater than all the world remaining" ~  Sheldon VanAuken

a great man died recently, zander's beloved grandfather.  i asked Zander what kind of tree would allen kinkel be?  He sees him as a sturdy tree clinging and growing on the edge of a cliff, with roots that spread deep and wide, holding together all the soil around him. 

i should see you as that tree, too, zander. but i would go into much greater aesthetic detail of the actual look of your bark, branch and leaf.  :) 

since grandpa's passing, ender has been  exuding life.  he has been a stable presence as i cope with death.  {also reading A Severe Mercy which is an interesting expose on grief and eternity}
but i need to stop clinging to a two year old and cling to an Infinity Year Old :) 

Childhood is ours to keep forever

i discovered my friend discovered gyo fujikawa who discovered and disclosed a smidgen of magic. 
i lose track of time when i look at her drawings.  and that is how it should be, i suppose. 
there is a myriad of her colorful musings, but my first love is her A to Z Picture Book.  The mailman will deliver it soon to me and ender will fetch it from his "treasure" box, my little golden retriever. 

Cheers!

 

 

If its half as good as the half we've known.  Heres Hail! to the rest of the road.

a hardy toast we drank to.

we moved homesteads.  Together we moved heart and soul downtown.

Zander and Ender thinking about the other's next move. Typical.  Zander's hammock was the first piece of furniture to move in

Zander with "Jane" (our computer).  I find light where I can.  Our new home is more of a bear den, with quaint pockets of light.  I am a little moth fluttering from light source to light source.  At the bungalow, the walls were so thin, the windows so big, you were basically camping outside.  I loved it.  But this is our land, now.  Zander already brought information home regarding crop covers for our Valley's summers.  We will till our piece of earth to our heart's content!

in the cool of the day

1.flower crown
2.ender intently watching daddy fetch his toy chevy from the creek
3. dam
4. thistle pink
5,6,7. sycamore
8. sentimental rock ledge

"Xerxes halted his unwieldy army for days that he might contemplate to his satisfaction the beauty of a single sycamore."  i believe it.  by far, my most favorite tree i have ever beheld.  but i have yet to see  the rest of the world or the new earth....though, i'm sure their elegant structure will woo me into eternity.

Zander dozes on his gnarly platform over the creek.  This desert ranger takes his naps seriously. 

Today he left on a fly fishing trip with his dad up at Lee's Ferry. As I send him off once again on another adventure without me, i remember what Davy (A Severe Mercy) told her love when she could not go with him everywhere....

"I'd rather hear about it than not experience it at all, " she said. "Besides, isn't that what Peter Ibbetson and Mimsey did?  Showing each other in dreams all they experienced?  You can make me see- you're good at that."

There was a season this spring that zander went rock climbing a lot!  And it was hard.  My flesh cried out and became jealous and resentful of my "lot" in life, a mother. haha whoa that sounds obnoxiously terrible.  But my spirit fought and fought because the truth is I love Zander, I love his spirit  his imagination his desires and whims.  And he loves mine.   So to the great beyond we fly! Together.  Body or Spirit, we are together in each other's travels. 

*And just so we are clear: Ender is the most interesting fellow I have come across this side of glory.  I am enamoured and perplexed at his existence.  And to be his motherly steward is a heavenly honor i cherish.  I have never regretted this tot intervening in my life.  He caught me from a falling and holds me steady. 

Junipine in July- a closer look

these images are balm.  a place to see with your hands. 

last night, i took toby for a walk.  but not just any walk. a terrifying stroll through the pitch black of "the circle" : a road here, across the Junipine side and through the large gates.  i can barely brave it with other people, but i got the notion to do it by myself. once and for all, just get it over with. Plus, zander double dared me. 
The gates creaked open, the flashlight clicked on, and i clung to toby's leash.  the night was cool, but the sweat poured.  it took every ounce of my focus to not succumb to my imagination and faint or run.  the creaks and clicks of the woods came like strange chanting from the shadows.  my spine buzzed.  abandoned homes were inhabited with with the monsters under my bed.  BUT i did it, and I'll never do it again because sheesh!  i'm so weak!

aside from that, the nights are perfectly peaceful.... soon, some evening, zander and i will hang hammocks high in the sycamore trees and fall asleep under the meshed canopy of stars and leaves.