Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Friday, September 20, 2013

what are they looking at?

Peter John: my zander's best friend, cousin and confidant.  Possibly lover, but I don't think they appreciate that label.  Hey, I call it like I see it :)  Him and Katie raise quail now and gave us a beautiful bowl full of their freckled eggs. 

Peter John also has taken up carpentry and is becoming quite the skill master.  He carved the dreidel for ender and his cousin noah, mentioning he is going to do it every year for them.  A collection of handmade dreidels from Uncle PJ!  How unexpected and charming!  Let tradition live!

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

he's only almost three

Where did I get it in my head that you needed to behave like an adult?  And what is an adult anyway?  You scream at the tippy top of your tiny boy lungs and I can yell right back or point my finger like I believe it has wizard powers, or throw my hands in the air and neglect what could be a perfectly normal healthy interaction with a tantrum throwing two year old. 

Its because you confuse me kiddo.  You are so smart.  The concepts you get blow my mind.  Your vocabulary helps my mama mind not turn to mush.  You are so happy and funny and helpful and on point.  You love to sit quietly and read or dig in the dirt or build boats with your tools.  I think "here is my little man"  I will treat him like one.

But you're not a man, not yet.  So when you struggle to be the bright loving boy you are in this sinful flesh, I have little patience and high expectations.  I'm so sorry.  You are only almost three and I need to respect that.  God's grace goes beyond sufficiency to carry us both through the day.  Its are bread and butter to our relationship.  Thank you for showing me this. 
here you are looking too much like your Papa Toth.  its unnerving.  :)

A couple of weeks ago a monsoon paid a visit to our little home in the city.  I sat outside as long as I could.  Unlike last year, you were very brave and giddy to be out there.  You crawled all over me like a spunky spider.

Ender: "Mama.  I see a star"
Me:"You do?  All I see are clouds and lightning."
Ender:"I make a star"
Me:"How do you make a star Ender?"

He points to our neighbor's porch light.

Ender: "I squint my eyes like this.  See mama?"

He puts his scrunched up eye right up to mine.

Ender: "You do it"
Me: "Oh I see" 

I too squint my eyes while looking at the porch light.  And sure enough, the bulb fractures into a halo of light beams.  And a star is made.  Our storm star. 

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Starting from seed is overwhelming and intimidating. 
Each seed has its own set of instructions and you feel that if you don't follow them to a T, then they will die to spite you.  There is pre-chilling, pre-soaking, a preference for light or darkness, and special temperature requirements.  Seeds are divas!  The information overload paralyzes me with laziness.

I'm feeling more and more empowered, though,  by "Nike"s overused slogan, "Just Do It"

I am more determined than ever to understand the death and resurrection of a seed.  Now, if Zander doesn't come along and sabotage my work.  He pokes and prods the babies after he handed over the reigns to me.  I need to hide the spray bottle because he gets trigger happy and over waters and we lost a few... that guy.

He is again outside, on his birthday, beating our ugly dirt into submission.  After this weekend, I will sow the carrots and swiss chard directly in the garden.  But the rest of the seeds/seedlings I will wait probably until the first week of October depending on the temperatures. 

And again, I will give Failure a big bear hug when it comes my way.  Failure and I will be intimately acquainted and it will tell me all its secrets.  Defeat the enemy Ender Wiggin style. 

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

 If you build it they will come"  Which is actually a misquote from Field of Dreams staring Kevin Costner (1989), so I'm told.  Rather, its "if you build it, he will come"  It makes no difference to me, he/she/they are all my fairies, wrens, butterflies, beetles, ladybugs coming to take up residency in our garden. 
I made a fairy garden for my 4 year old niece.  One night, I couldn't sleep because my mind was obsessed with thinking about all the miniature fairy furniture I could make.
Just googling "fairy houses" makes my heart skip a beat.  We are created in God's image.  A God who made our dwellings,  trees to climb, brooks to wade in, glades to meander through, caves to explore.... We love to create our own worlds too, just like our God.  Dollhouses.  Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood.  Narnia.  Lord of the Rings.  Its obvious, isn't it?
When I was little it was all about my snail beaches and going with my mom to the nurseries to talk to the gnome and fairy statues. 

Gnome DoorCora.  One morning when you wake up with the green canopy of Junipine over your head you will wonder about the little muddy footprints found on your pillow.   Your wondering will lead to your wandering, through blackberry bushes, past apples orchards, across babbling waters and with the curiosity of a child you will find a small door tucked into the roots of a very large sycamore.  Your eyes will open wide as the full moon as you realize what you just found. 

Our first friend has been a spunky little wren twittering around in our climbing fig.  Her quiet chirps are shouts of affirmation to zander's hard work in the backyard.  She has come to inspect and approves.  Our plot of beautiful land marred and sealed off by concrete is being rehabilitated and is slowly on the mend.  Zander is a determined.
My brain is bathed in images of polished homes and yards via the internet and magazines.  I grew up in a generation and am growing old in a generation with no patience and instant gratification.  This house is slowly healing my diseased mindset.