he's only almost three

Where did I get it in my head that you needed to behave like an adult?  And what is an adult anyway?  You scream at the tippy top of your tiny boy lungs and I can yell right back or point my finger like I believe it has wizard powers, or throw my hands in the air and neglect what could be a perfectly normal healthy interaction with a tantrum throwing two year old. 

Its because you confuse me kiddo.  You are so smart.  The concepts you get blow my mind.  Your vocabulary helps my mama mind not turn to mush.  You are so happy and funny and helpful and on point.  You love to sit quietly and read or dig in the dirt or build boats with your tools.  I think "here is my little man"  I will treat him like one.

But you're not a man, not yet.  So when you struggle to be the bright loving boy you are in this sinful flesh, I have little patience and high expectations.  I'm so sorry.  You are only almost three and I need to respect that.  God's grace goes beyond sufficiency to carry us both through the day.  Its are bread and butter to our relationship.  Thank you for showing me this. 

here you are looking too much like your Papa Toth.  its unnerving.  :)

A couple of weeks ago a monsoon paid a visit to our little home in the city.  I sat outside as long as I could.  Unlike last year, you were very brave and giddy to be out there.  You crawled all over me like a spunky spider.

Ender: "Mama.  I see a star"
Me:"You do?  All I see are clouds and lightning."
Ender:"I make a star"
Me:"How do you make a star Ender?"

He points to our neighbor's porch light.

Ender: "I squint my eyes like this.  See mama?"

He puts his scrunched up eye right up to mine.

Ender: "You do it"
Me: "Oh I see" 

I too squint my eyes while looking at the porch light.  And sure enough, the bulb fractures into a halo of light beams.  And a star is made.  Our storm star.