His eyes were two blue Ferris wheels lit up by the magic of the night.   He kept asking when we would go for a ride on the Ferris wheel.  We wouldn't.  He was too young and too short.  But I've should have known.  Ender's was really into circles as a baby.  I have no idea why.  Now, the most giant circle he has ever seen moving like a ship's wheel (well a ship sailing in circles) blinking and dancing in the night air was right before him.  His chance had come to become the circle.  

Ok ok ok, it was me who was heartbroken he couldn't ride.  Ender was happy with his fried hotdog, the stinky goats and a baby roller coaster that he measured up to exactly.  37 inches of pride! 

dennis the menace

i have come upon a piece of knowledge that is a large, gilded key to this boy's treasure trove of a mind. After talking it over with his grandma, listening to a cd, reading a book, and filling out a survey, I found the key hidden in the letters that form the term "Strong Will".  And now a map to his mind unfurls before me and I can navigate this kid so much better than before. 
I once thought that a strong willed person was aggressive and athletic, which neither describe ender.  I am such a caveman.  But a strong will can be found in the most gentlest of creatures.  Not saying ender is the most tender, but he certainly is affectionate, intelligent, funny, nice, willing to share and a sociable little guy.  I was searching for help under all the wrong key words "three year old screams and hits"  "three year old spits"  "three year old doesn't like positive attention when hurt".

Helpful links, but the heart of the matter is this strong personality disorder of his.  Well, okay its not a disorder, its a trait.  But some days I'm this close to admitting him into the psych ward. 

Our whippersnapper is tenacious, a problem solver, doesn't take NO for an answer, and wants to do it ALL by himself.
Its not about giving him free reign, but about me being a better captain so Ender can charter this terrestrial ball with more confidence and ease. 

If I were in an paid position, I'd be expecting the boss to call me in his her office with flowery felicitations on a big win for the company.  A raise would be in order. 
"Don't forget your Christmas bonus is coming up too Mrs. Toth.  Because we all haven't forgotten the night shifts you worked."
I'd walk away knowing that the bonus was going to be a doozy. I got the short end of the stick and had to sleep train a strong willed, three year old boy with a scream that cuts straight through bone and marrow and pierces your very soul. 
Of course I won't leave my secretary without anything. Zander's support (with or without his ear protection (but mainly with) was crucial.  Coming soon to his desk, "Worlds Best Secretary" coffee mug.  I know how its done. 

"once upon a time there was a boy named....

"Ender!"  He exclaims,  filling the silence with the "best" name for the adventure at hand.

This is how most of the stories we tell him begin.  We.  We are the daddy, the mama, the aunts, the uncles, the grandparents, the anyones who will take the time to tickle his ears with a good o'l fashion homespun tale.

"Now ender was a brave boy.  But he didn't travel alone.  He had a company of some fellow fearsome knights.  They were.....

Excitedly he names all of his cousins and Niko, a dear friend, who obviously falls into the cousin category.  There is no difference to Ender.

From there, the brave comrades equip themselves with their swords, helmets, horses, flashlights and snacks for a perilous journey.

They specialize in fighting dragons.  Oh and befriending them too, because some dragons are good; they are just shy and misunderstood.

Along their travels they encounter many mishaps that require sharing and taking turns.  From, there is not enough juice boxes to go around the campfire to being afraid of the dark., the trusty toddlers brave through it all.

The plot thickens with baby sisters captured and taken hostage in the lair of the dragon.  A few sword swipes here and there and the dragon is dead and all of them can return home to their mommies.

Phew!  All in a days work.

I'm a mother to a goat.

if you were to ask me how my sweet almost three year old talks to me these days, well, I would show you this video.  Please note:  The goat is ender.

How can I convince you that this is a 91% accurate depiction of our son?  You just gotta believe me.  You don't have to watch the whole video, but keep in mind I live it all day long. 

Zander and I have ruminated over ender's hang ups to the point where the other night we just looked at each other and knew we needed to quit it.  Yes, he screams, spits, hits, talks non stop, hurts other people's feelings with his outburst (you don't want to be the person nearest him when he accidentally hurts himself), but we decided to take a deep breath and talk about what makes ender so cool.

~ a tender heart.
he brushes the hair from my eyes
he'll stop at nothing to make cora laugh again when she starts to cry

~ a reader
when the house is unnaturally quiet, I know he's not getting into trouble, but has gone to his room to read.
Right now he enjoys the Berenstain Bears. 

~ a brave one
things can startle him easily, but he fights for his courage.  if zander is "attacking" him, he frantically fumbles for his imaginary sword, and when he finally find it in his imaginary holster/hilt, (phew!), he looks up with confidence "Ahhh, I fight you in the name of the Lord!"

~ an imagination
a hammock is a basketball hoop, his shields are now snowshoes, he converts his meals into an arsenal of guns, porch lights are stars, clouds are elephants,

~ cautious
he won't do anything unless he's convinced its a good idea for him, and once he tells himself "yes" he's full throttle. 
just last month he jumped off the couch for the first time and I praised him and told him to do it again, but don't hold onto the arm of the couch the next time.  Most parents try and keep their kids from that kind of crazy.  Ender needs a little encouragement.

~an idea man
Ender was adamantly requesting muffins for breakfast, but we didn't have any.
Ender: "Lets make them, then!"
Me: "We don't have a muffin tin, sorry" (Trying to get out of it)
Ender: Well, we could use a cupcake tin instead.  That could work. Yeah, that's my idea!"
Those ideas of his are always getting in the way of my laziness.

Well, that was kind of cathartic.  I love my boy.  Its tumultuous right now, but Zander said it best.

We are the rocks and our children are the waves that crash themselves upon us over and over again.
We are the anvils which God uses to mold and shape our children. 
We were chosen to be their parents.