These three eagerly await your arrival. I thought I might have to warn you about them, but if you are smidgen like them in diabolical madness and heavenly joy, it is me and the world who must brace ourselves.
The anticipation of you is on the eastern horizon. Charcoal clouds smudged across the sky have me wondering when they and you will come and bless the hot days.
Another unexpected pet of your's is Claudette. I'm not sure if she will make it to your birthday though. She has laid two eggs and thus caused your daddy to close the system in case her babies escape. The other night he caught another black widow, tantalizing her from her shadowed hiding place with a sacrificial cricket. Eight, black sewing machine needles work in precise motion to stitch their pray into their webbed coffins. Unfortunately, when daddy went to deliver Claudettes new room mate/assassin, that is when he noticed an egg was hatched. With his typical shriek he closed her lid, shivered, and regrouped. I went inside as he contemplated the fate of the ladies.
I had time to read, use the loo, scan through Taylor Swift's instagram, and take a snooze. I woke up to find him still outside with the jar in his hand, looking a little dejected "I can't think of a way to dispose of her".
He smashed the unbonded spider, but what of Claudette?
Last night, Grandma and her gang (Ender the apprentice, Cora, the tag a long and Zander her back up, I suppose) collected a slew of fresh scorpions. Zander froze about a fourth cup experimenting with humane death penalty practices. After the thaw it was just a soggy mess of dead bugs.
So I think Claudette will be frozen. Bless her. I suggested baking, Zander's dad suggested fireworks, but the freezer it is!
I write this as though this is how my mind works. This is all your dad's influence. Once I'm in the presence of my mama (your Nana) we decide that a nice trip out to the desert for a freedom
release party would be best.
Oh Sam, come soon and make our lives even more eccentric and happy.