in the cool of the day

1.flower crown
2.ender intently watching daddy fetch his toy chevy from the creek
3. dam
4. thistle pink
5,6,7. sycamore
8. sentimental rock ledge

"Xerxes halted his unwieldy army for days that he might contemplate to his satisfaction the beauty of a single sycamore."  i believe it.  by far, my most favorite tree i have ever beheld.  but i have yet to see  the rest of the world or the new earth....though, i'm sure their elegant structure will woo me into eternity.

Zander dozes on his gnarly platform over the creek.  This desert ranger takes his naps seriously. 

Today he left on a fly fishing trip with his dad up at Lee's Ferry. As I send him off once again on another adventure without me, i remember what Davy (A Severe Mercy) told her love when she could not go with him everywhere....

"I'd rather hear about it than not experience it at all, " she said. "Besides, isn't that what Peter Ibbetson and Mimsey did?  Showing each other in dreams all they experienced?  You can make me see- you're good at that."

There was a season this spring that zander went rock climbing a lot!  And it was hard.  My flesh cried out and became jealous and resentful of my "lot" in life, a mother. haha whoa that sounds obnoxiously terrible.  But my spirit fought and fought because the truth is I love Zander, I love his spirit  his imagination his desires and whims.  And he loves mine.   So to the great beyond we fly! Together.  Body or Spirit, we are together in each other's travels. 

*And just so we are clear: Ender is the most interesting fellow I have come across this side of glory.  I am enamoured and perplexed at his existence.  And to be his motherly steward is a heavenly honor i cherish.  I have never regretted this tot intervening in my life.  He caught me from a falling and holds me steady. 

Junipine in July- a closer look

these images are balm.  a place to see with your hands. 

last night, i took toby for a walk.  but not just any walk. a terrifying stroll through the pitch black of "the circle" : a road here, across the Junipine side and through the large gates.  i can barely brave it with other people, but i got the notion to do it by myself. once and for all, just get it over with. Plus, zander double dared me. 
The gates creaked open, the flashlight clicked on, and i clung to toby's leash.  the night was cool, but the sweat poured.  it took every ounce of my focus to not succumb to my imagination and faint or run.  the creaks and clicks of the woods came like strange chanting from the shadows.  my spine buzzed.  abandoned homes were inhabited with with the monsters under my bed.  BUT i did it, and I'll never do it again because sheesh!  i'm so weak!

aside from that, the nights are perfectly peaceful.... soon, some evening, zander and i will hang hammocks high in the sycamore trees and fall asleep under the meshed canopy of stars and leaves. 

The Jug, Arizona

Katie "the breezy" who planned the adventure!

there are 5 people in this photo!!!!

really, I can't tell whose the bigger dork.  I'm simply stumped!

 I was so afraid.  This pregnancy was taking a toll on my body and mind.  What was I doing going canyoneering on one of the hottest days in June?  I had a long and excited conversation with my doctor who gave the okay, and I couldn't ignore the swelling joy every time I thought about actually taking this on.  Despite a weak stomach, fatigue, and an overall blue mood, I went for it.

The beeline drive is one of the most exotic in the state.

“You must do the thing you think you cannot do” el. roose.

  I always feel like I don't have an excuse anymore to cower.   Little Humans Beings give me no other choice but to live more radically and on the edge.  And I'm talking more spiritually and mentally than just actions.  Actions are second rate to the heart.

I'm really thankful for zander, too.  We made a pact in April that we would push each other to get away and "go for it" whether with each other and the boy or alone at least once a month.  We have accidentally held to that promise.  We completely forgot about it until the other day, but realized we were doing it anyway.