Saturday, February 09, 2013

Placid-suggests an unfruffled calm

The clock struck nine and I pulled myself out of bed to wake up ender.  Then Cora, and finally Zander.  Ender stuck with me in the waking world.  Zander and Cora dozed another hour or so.  I don't know how these two find rest with Ender and I clanging around the house.  The clouds in the sky drifted in time with their breathing.  It seemed our whole little world was content being calm.
And yet... I still fear.  I fear unhealthiness, sleeplessness, 'uncreativeness', uselessness, unhappiness, and the -nesses roll on and on. 
Having another baby I find myself having to declare my allegiance again to Jesus and not things of this world.  Though, being a mother is the most fulfilling role I could ever being given on this earth; it also gets very much attacked by lies. 
Before I find my groove once again, I want to dig my roots further down into the good stuff of Jesus.  Only He can carry me through the baby blues, sleepless night, lonely seasons, and relationship challenges.  He is my dearest treasure and companion.
Ender is visiting his cousins this afternoon.  That makes me so incredibly happy!  I worry for him.  I want him to experience his family blessings.  Being in isolation is killing me.  Sending Ender out relieves some of my anxiety.  I can handle this quarantine as long as Ender is able to venture out and nourish his spirit. 

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