My friend Veronica and I purchased matching desks to re do for our boys.  This was one of the projects I thought I just had to complete before Cora arrived.  Because if I didn't have this desk finished and Ender's craft supplies prepared, then I would be up the creek without a paddle when it came to managing him and a newborn.  However, Ender, isn't terribly crazy about sitting still and quiet at a desk and delighting in crafts while I tend to the infant.   haha what was I thinking??  He does enjoy dumping his crayons out to get to his markers...

And he seems to like to make things into fishing poles and guns.   

 

Last night at dinner, Ender mentioned he wanted to go to school with Liam (his older cousin)

Me: "You're not old enough yet.  You need to be at least 4"

Ender took a bite of his meat.

Ender: "I did it!  I'm not two anymore!  I can go to school with Liam now!!"

Its our fault really.  Meat has become magical.  Once devoured, it magically makes Ender's muscles bigger and treats appear.   He thought it must make him older too. 

 

ender went to bed all hot and bothered.  then he woke up irritable and with a stuffy nose.  He throws a fit whenever I try to care for him, like give him tea, Tylenol, hugs & kisses.  I would do anything for him when he is sick, but his mind & personality really take a beating under a common cold leaving him in tears and tantrums all day.  Until.....  I bust out the camera.  stinker.

Affection?  Not yet.  Underdeveloped  stomach and back muscles.  Ender, however, would disagree

After the "photo shoot" mind you, I was forced to put both kids in the car and just drive.  Strapping Ender in his seat was therapy for us both.  Boy can this kid scream and act irrational, sheesh!  I had to keep telling myself that he was sick and that he is who he is under the circumstances and that there still is a God.

Ender and I are adjusting more and more to our lump of sugar, cora lynn.  She puts up with a whole bunch of emotional drama from us.  She, like her daddy, brings a sense of calm.  She loves to smile and gurgle her spit.
she is growing fast.  and for the few who care, when it comes to nursing, she downs her milk in ten minuets flat.  Ender took 30 to 45 mins.  A guzzler versus a sipper.  Ale versus tea.  They are so different from each other already.  I can't wait for those iron differences to come into contact.

two & a half months

 

she's my old man.  she passes the time with her gummy smiles.  Pooping, farting, and grunting are her hobbies.  Her happy place is right here on mama's bed. 

I am trying not to obsess about her naps.  I just got so used to handling ender; our days were beautifully mapped out.  And then she came and threw a wrench in it all.  Bless her heart, she is so sweet about everything, and still I find it in me to complain. 

Right now I am eager for her napping to be predictable.  The thing that scares me is that I will be stuck at home.  I'm reading the Life of Pi right now and I feel for the castaway.  Being trapped on a little dingy with a temperamental tiger is uncannily similar to being stuck in the house with a toddler.    Of course my toddler can be a little pussy cat.  Right now he hid himself away with his books because Cookie Monster is "too scary!"

Ender's favorite show by far is Curious George.  Lately, though, he is realizing that George is a little too messy and ornery.  If you have ever seen the show, it is Hundley, the lobby dog who he most emulates.  This dog is dedicated in keeping life orderly.

And yet when daddy comes home, ender seems to shed a layer of that worry and tension.  I do too.  Zander has that freeing effect. 

 

they are zander & ender. 2 of the most genuinely happy people I know

A hairless husband, and a grassless, treeless yard.  "You didn't imagine your life to end up this way" , Zander chuckled.    "no", I said much more seriously, "no I did not".

I always thought we would be missionaries in some far flung country or have wild and unruly careers.  For example, Zander would be sprouting a full head of curls,  teach history to inner city kids, change their world view, and end up adopting one of his student's babies.  For me: oh, just a travel photographer and of course the mother of our adopted child. 

But alas, we have happened upon an unforeseen path that has led us to the threshold of people's hearts.  Where, just even on the doorstep, are things unexpected, surprising, and enthralling. 

I am learning to invest my time and energy and prayers into people.  Discovering that you, yes you out there, whoever you are, are more beautiful and mysterious and worth exploring than my selfish and probably misguided dreams.   
I say this with confidence because its already been proven.  In Zander, my children, my family, friends. 

Its a hard road not to choose myself.  Many days I go dizzy with temptation and wander from that path.  But He always leads me back. 

I am jealous of how optimistic Zander is.  He sees our ugly, concrete yard as his creation playground.  He loves the idea that he has to build the beauty himself.   Me, I just want to win the lottery so I can *snap* have 50 year old sycamores transplanted in my yard.  I don't want to wait for anything!  I want it now! 

sweet & sour

ender, i walked through the valley with you.  as my first born, it was your calling to prepare the parents for the rest of your siblings.  you are the brave one.  and now we climbed a mountain and found our cora lynn glowing with the dawn of a new day.  for all of us.  she is our sweetheart.  our little darling. 

and you.... you are the self proclaimed "bad boy" or "bad pirate".  its been hard to live with you, I confess.  I know its been hard to live with me too.  Despite the blessed sweetness of Cora, I am still stressed and overwhelmed with two arrows in my quiver.  You have been trying to make sense of your two year old brain, of your crazy mama, and of your needy little sister.  Also, I have allowed our fun nights to tamper with your beauty rest.  I have taken advantage of your good nature as you operate without a nap.  And I have been scolding you too much, jumping down your throat over every little thing because I'm stressed.  I'm sorry. 

 

Daddy and I had a good talk the other night and it helped to reset the balance.  "I am the vine, and you are the branch" "Remain in Me and I will remain in you"  "The fruit of the Spirit is love..." My toes

become roots that with each step I take, I wiggle them deep into the soil, searching, and taking hold of God. 
Daddy said all that is required of me is my love.   So I will love you, I will love God, I will love our family.  From my heartfelt dedication to love from God's love, I hope you will be nourished from the fruit.

 

"On Guard!"

 

"I fight you!"

Ok, I accept! You like to play with swords.  So be it.  You are my boy.  You mean no harm by this. 

 

 

Tonight, zander and I were talking with his mom asking her how she encouraged Zander to be a "soldier for the Lord".  I was fretting over the fact that Ender keeps calling himself a bad pirate, when he pipes up with "No!  I'm a bad pirate for the Lord!" 

Well in that case, blessings to you and your ship of scallywags.