A dreary dark day in the desert.  

"In the dept of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer" - Albert Camus


Some of their not so best moments this past summer.  Below, innocent, vulnerable children have been dressed and primped for their Aunt's wedding by their stressed out father.  A damage control squadron was rushed in.

Snoozing.

Lee's Panoramas

the ferry called Lee's

its a world where wind and water dislodges distractions and cuts my thoughts in two.  Its bare and lays you bare and you just might come face to face with yourself.  a carved out place that leaves gaping canyons, but always the river flows in the blushed wound.  I tore out my right eye and cut off my right hand and returned home whole. 

photo in top consideration for our Christmas Family Photo.  Sans kids.  what?  Gunther is the most cooperative and photogenic one anyway.... well, he does have a choke collar on him, I should say. 

The orchard exists as a growing relic of strange times long ago.  Lees Ferry, riddled with heartbreak. 

a shadow falls

Something has taken place.  Something my eyes cannot see.  But little miss sunshine scowls and won't stop.  The moon has been swelling until it reached its full moon peak last night.  She has had a few diaper blow outs.  She sticks her finger up her nose and says "owie".  But, baffled I remain.  Quite frankly, she's been a big pain in the butt.

Zander describes her joy as Mexican candy.  Chili powder coated candy.  It makes perfect sense if you personally knew our gnome. 

here is to having wisdom in waiting for whatever the foul thats making her fussy will pass.

Haphazard Halloween

 Around our house, we don't buy costumes, and we don't D-I-Y costumes either.  Let the photos be proof of how much fun can be had from your closet at the eleventh hour! 

 Albert Einstein in the making......

 Albert(a), extremely  bristled and ruffled up. A few jelly beans later and those pathetic excuses for eyebrows were forgotten.  She wouldn't put up with a mustache, though....  She is an unfortunate mix of einstein, and an  oompa loompa.  Hmm.... next year I think she could easily pull off the creepy servants of Mr Wonka. In the mean time, I must keep her from watching any Disney princess movie that could thwart my plans.       

 Round Two.  A clown dolly?  A hunter army guy dude person?

 I was in the process of going for a windup doll. 

Kickin' Around

If anyone happens upon an extra pair of eye brows .... I know of two people who could benefit from your kindness.

A night, just like any other night, one would suppose.

The children nestled in bed.  the clock ticking the eleventh hour onward.

I check once in on them, whispering prayers over them and then retire to my own cozy quarters.

All is well. Gunther flops down on my circle rug.  He flops, but I look, and he is perfect puddle of fur.

Without warning Gunther dashes to Ender's room down the hall.  Zander follows after scolding him.  (Last time Gunther paid a visit to his room after hours proved to be a  stinky situation).  Zander immediately crates Gunther, but pauses in his actions.  He wonders.  He lets the dog out and Gunther goes right back to Ender's room and sits by his bed.  Zander looks down at Ender and notices his blanket is over his head.  He goes to remove it, but cannot so easily.  It is tightly wrapped once and half more around his face.  Zander unwinds the blanket from a sweaty, shallow breathing boy.

Maybe a sleeping four year old could have worked that blanket away from his face during the night, maybe not.  My stomach was churning at the thought.Whether it was a shadow that caught a pup's fancy, or a notion to defecate on an Ikea rug again, we believe Ender's pal and humble hero responded to a supernatural call from his Master that night.   Gunther is truly family, in his strengths and in his weaknesses bringing glory to our Maker. 

Upon the arrival of our puppy, I was already exhausted and managing two, strike that, three zesty "people", if you can even call them that based on the amount of feral stink and mess they collectively created.  Along comes just one more... one more that almost tipped the scale.

But Zander's optimism persisted to carry me through the first helter skelter days of a new dog.  He would send me emails with you tube links of German Shepherds saving their owner or a random stranger from dangers invisible to the human eye but known by the canine instinct.  
he'd come home and he'd watch it again with me.  He'd be crying.  I'd be noticeably happier about the dog howling in his crate... One time, though, after watching a particularly moving testimony of "dog saves man best friend" we swooped in upon Gunther and hugged that dopey dog like he was the hero.  Though, he still messed in the house that day, chewed up the children's toys, knocked Cora flat on her face and then on her back, we knew what one day he could become.   We believe it is his destiny to be a great dog.  I had to embrace him as I do the kids.  Cora and Ender are ornery, disobedient, embarrassing in public with unlearned manners and emotionally charged reactions, but that is not who they are or what they will become.  I pledged to all three of my children, canine and kid, that I will see them through these young years.

 

ahh, when he was younger looking more like a jackal or hyena.  Aunt Arica likes his "kind eyes".  

Happy Birthday darling boy

Your last summer of being three was stormy.  I'm thankful that I'm saying that literally and not as an analogy to your life.  The clouds tumbled & tussled with the wind and broke their dewy sweat over your upturned face.  Lightning skewered the dark and left brief wounds of light in your eyes.  You spent your last summer of three with an upturned face, catching rain drops on your tongue.   You are so happy.  You have come along way since your shrill shrieking days of infancy.  You were only a babe, you are only a boy child and yet God uses you in my life to do a man's work, no, a God work.  Your existence is a force to be reckoned with.  Ender, you are one of my sins most formidable opponents. 

"Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one's youth.
Happy is the man who has his
quiver full of them;
They shall not be ashamed
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate"

Fours years its been unpacking this verse.  It perplexes me, but you help me understand.  Even in the womb, the sin in my heart knew it would no longer have it easy.   A baby was coming, coming to clear the house of filth.  You aren't leaving one stone unturned, kiddo.  Its hard on me, its good for me.  I love you.

You talk about taking me to the moon one day after you go to astronaut school.  You talk about being a good and strong daddy like the one you know.  You talk about one day being 40 years old. 
I too think of all the things I want for you.... love, health, money, education, friends, security... but, you guide me with an upturned face and I see what I want, what I really want.

"I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ from who the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith, that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height-
to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you  may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Now to Him is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, 
To HIM be glory in the church by Christ Jesus through out all ages, world without end. 
Amen"
 

Joan Rivers and Mr. Rogers

Last night I asked Zander...



"On a scale of one to ten, how smart do you think I am?"





I don't know what I was expecting...  



"Thats not a fair question"  He says.



Yikes.

ha. ha.  he's right.

I admit, tears started welling up in my pathetic eyes.  Then he started giving some sort of answer about strong morals, strengths, weaknesses, blah blah blah!

I get it.  I'm not the smartest person.  And I care that I'm not.  Its one of the more embarrassing worries in my life that high light my pathetic pride. 



Feeling rather blue about myself today, I could use a trolley ride. 

Companion Planting

"Symbiotic relationships occur when separate life forms interact with each other and either one or both species benefit in some way." 

Like Artichoke and Tarragon.  Carrots and Dill.  Roses and Garlic!  

While it was still hotter than blue blazes, Zander suited up in either his handy dandy lady repellent over-alls, (or was it his thrifted, pastel plaid lady repellent golf shorts?)  and bent back over our freshly mulched garden bed.  The results of his sun baked toiling are growing with green vigor in lovely lanes of carrots, dill, kale and broccoli, in clumps of lemon balm, fever few, onion, thyme, stevia, echinacea, chamomile, and chives. 
Herbs and vegetables huddling together to ward of pests and promote utmost flavor.  


Like Cora and Ender. 

If I go in that direction, I definitely see Ender as more of the vegetable.  Hardy, healthy.  I see Cora as the herb.  Spicy and rather pungent:)  Seemingly two different species growing in harmony.  Even the pitfalls of sibling angst come to a good end, will come, I pray.  

Cora brightens his heart.   She's a stinker and her herbal aroma results in more laughter and lighter spirits.
Ender is her protector and shows her the ropes.  She follows him.  And he reports back to me when she is in danger or has broken a rule.  He takes pride in his role.  

Our garden grows with more color, variety and flavor than I can dare to believe.   
Last year, and a lot of this year, I've been weary of weeding, watering, willing those darn things to grow.   Waking up one morning, you look out your window and see the tiniest emerald blade jutting through the broken soil.  'Cora's innocent desire to be loved as she climbs to bone breaking heights, Ender's eyebrows pulling his blue eyes up to your's, revealing a mind that truly desires understanding & explanation of his world.  
I've realized looking at those two, there is more to them then sprouts in need of tending, but tiny tools themselves, used to do a work on my own plot.  

okay.  the garden analogy is getting old.  

Sunflowers are also an amazing companion flower.  Beacons of light guiding the bees and butterflies to a blooming bounty.

Climbing again.  This time so Gunther won't eat her raisins.  Zander and I planted three grape vines in our yard.  They all blistered and died before hardly a bud bloomed.  Good.  Grapes are poisonous to dogs. 

Cora finding herself smitten.

Both of these were the cutest creatures on the planet.  I let me feelings go unguarded for one moment and sat down on the floor with them to play.  Gunther, that naughty beast, began nipping at my face and slobbering all over me.  Cora, seized the opportunity, saw her chance, and jumped me from behind, screaming and scratching. 

I bolted to a safe standing position and yelled "Gunther!  No!  Sit!"  Immediately they both sat and looked up innocently. 

The night before the air was still, stagnant, humid and hot.  As the evening wore down to nothing but clear skies and a dry moon, I became desperate for the rain the meteorologists promised me.  They pinky swore and bet their life it would rain just for me.  I stamped my foot and resolved I would not let another night pass by without paying the toll.
So I poured myself a concoction of chai tea and had Zander turn on the sprinklers in the backyard.
Thanks to my wonderful patience and content spirit, our yard was saturated and full from a heavy drink, when we woke up the next morning with our house on the brink of flooding.
I even had the gall, in the middle of the night when the rolling thunder rolled me out of bed to casually look out the window and remark "eh, its not that great of a storm, i'd rather sleep".
huh.  Apparently its been called "a 100 year storm"

Zander of course, handled it with grace in galoshes. We needed to stop the seeping of the water.  We needed sandbags.  Well, what we had was a lot of mud and garbage bags. 
He begins to dig a hole somewhere below the flooded surface.  "How high is the water mama" Johnny Cash sings from his throat.  "Two feet high and risin" I answer with the rain steadily dripping off our backs. 

Zander never had an easier time digging a hole for a tree, lets just say.  Its been over a year trying to decide which one to plant in our backyard.  Now there is a beautiful bowl of mud waiting to be filled with a Chinese Elm's toes instead of Ender's and Cora's. 

Have you ever noticed the branches of the Chinese Elm?  They grow from the trunk like arms, stretching sinew and tendon.   Its elegant and intriguing.  The Arizona Sycamore, the Ghost Gum Eucalyptus, the Blue and Green Palos all have this uncanny quality.  Their branches bend and their bark wrinkles where it would on your own skin as you freely move.