Often, I have thought about wearing a golden calf around my neck. As a reminder that I make myself and other people in the internet realm an idol. There are so many photographs, reality tv shows, facebook pages, blogs that showcase us. We have become the gilded cow. And by "we", i would be safer in speaking for myself and saying "me!". Staying at home with ender i use the internet to be my eyes and ears. But I'm gathering assumed versions of people and using their so called lives to plumb line mine. Then there is a storm in my mind and heart to make my life just as reflectively beautiful as the ones I think I see. I begin to feel somehow less because I am not known by the masses. I am not artistically inclined to frame the details of my silly crafts, meals, or travels. The majority of my days are spent grocery shopping, doing laundry, house cleaning, getting ender dressed, going to the park. Yes, mundane things. But , I've lost the vision God gave me: that is, to see people, zander and ender in particular, for the eternal beings they are. Their hearts are a wilderness filled with intrigue, passion, and adventure. That goes for Jesus but forever fold. Hm, maybe just wearing a small Sinai mountain pendent would be more aesthetic than a fat ol cow.
AND.....Zander has cataracts. Um. I'm working on empathizing with him. It sounds bad, it is bad, but my defense mechanism when hardships come my way is to ignore it and maybe it will go away :) Oh those beautiful blues eyes of his. Such a simple shade, but immeasurable
in their meaning.
and here are these baby blues. golly, he was 14 months here? he stayed so still for photographs. I need to work harder on getting up close with him again. hopefully he will be spared the old man disease zander has acquired. but if he is a smidgen like his daddy, he will be able to turn his troubles to triumphs. bless 'em both.
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